From my over 30 years in education, half of it spent as a teacher/coach, I have come to understand an unspoken language with coaches when they uttered one word: "Parents."
It speaks volumes. I know what the coach was thinking. We share an identical image from my years on the high school coaching scene: wackos in the stands screaming at officials or stalking outside locker-room doors ready to confront the coach.
Then I became one. A parent that is.
You know, the guy in the stands with a child in uniform. It didn't happen overnight, of course. There were countless youth games played, thousands of miles driven and untold drive-thrus visited from the time my children were 5 years old through my son's senior year. T-Ball, baseball, softball, volleyball, football, track, golf, wrestling, cheerleading, at some point in their growing up years, they did it all.
They learned a lot, and of course, so did I.
Here are the 10 biggest lessons I learned from being the parent of a student-athlete
No. 1. Have no expectations, for your child or the coach. If you go into the season thinking "This kid is going to be a star," you have just set your child, the coaches and yourself up for failure.
Trophies won from ages 5 to 15 don't mean a thing. What he or she did in middle school or on the freshman and junior varsity teams is almost as unimportant. So many kids who are young all-stars will fade away. Even among the seemingly "sure bets", some will lose interest, quit, peak early, become ineligible, the list goes on.
Conversely, for the little ones, puberty is like a magic bean. It takes them to unexpected places. I'm 6' 1'. My wife is 5'9". My son grew to be 6'3" and my daughter is 5 foot nothing. Both found their niche. They found what they liked, what they excelled at, and they worked hard at those activities. Interestingly, neither picked what I probably would have predicted for them when they were first starting out.
It was astonishing to watch the transformation, and you will be amazed at the kids who weren't stars at early ages who stick with it and become valuable varsity performers.
No. 2. Give your child some space. Let her enjoy her successful moments and figure out how to deal with defeat, failure and disappointment. Don't get too wrapped up in the wins and losses. Your job is to make sure your child does not get too high after a win or too low after a loss.
No. 3. Try to have an objective view of your child's ability and build on his or her strengths. Don't tear him down by telling him what he did wrong unless the child comes looking for constructive criticism. Most of the time, the kid knows it better than you.
No. 4. Let your child make decisions that matter, with one caveat. When he or she considers quitting -- and most athletes have that moment -- make the child understand quitting is not the first option, especially once the season has begun. Dealing with adversity and persevering are important lessons.
No. 5. Grades really are the most important thing. The chances that he or she will get a college sports scholarship are almost nil, and even if the stars align and that happens, the kid still has to have good grades.
No. 6. Don't ignore injuries or signs of extreme mental and physical fatigue. If he or she is hurting, find out what it is. Playing injured can hurt the team and your child's long-term health.
No. 7. Let your child fight his or her own battles with the coach, especially with regard to the No. 1 complaint: playing time.
Your child has to learn how to deal with adults. It's part of growing up. He or she will have to confront professors and bosses, and this is a good place to learn.
If it's another issue and you find it necessary to get involved, always wait a day to talk to the coach. Let your emotions subside and think clearly about the point you want to make. If you suspect there is hazing or abuse taking place, report it to the athletic director or principal immediately.
No. 8. Support the team and be a good fan. Volunteer, and don't wait to be asked. Attend booster club meetings. Get to know the other parents. Make your own positive experience in the stands, no matter what is going on below.
When you're at the game or event, cheer for everyone on your kid's team, not just your own. Don't be the jerk in the stands, the one yelling at the coach, your team, the other team, and mostly the officials. You are embarrassing your school, your child and yourself. If you don't have anything good to say, sit down and shut up. If you're not enjoying yourself, stay home. You won't be missed.
No. 9. Understand these are competitive sports. Once they are in high school, it's no longer Little League where every kid gets to play.
There's going to be disappointment, heartache, unfairness and injuries. Unless it ends in a state championship, it will end in defeat. Your child is going to make mistakes. The coach will yell at him or her. That's what they do. Let it happen. He or she is not a baby anymore.
No. 10. Enjoy the ride. It will go by fast. Hug your child when it's over.
